fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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