did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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