pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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