who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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