I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
