even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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