Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I want is dick and wine.
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