Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
