he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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