The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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