whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Found your dick twin last night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
