they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
