I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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