Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
