can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
