Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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