I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
