i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
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you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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