So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
