Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
