Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
