Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
