Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
