I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
