She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
