I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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