so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
