Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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