Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if only i could text you this smell
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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