I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
