The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
