farters have to be the big spoon...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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