she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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