K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
love makes seman taste better
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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