CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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