doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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