what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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