Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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