from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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