let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
