Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
