put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
