I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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