I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
