A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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