Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
