she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
