sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
