I wish I could punch you in the face.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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