if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just invented taco cereal.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
