His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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