So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
