Got a toothbrush?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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