whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
