He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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