he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Enjoy the penises
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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