she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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