that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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