Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
