If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
