dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
