Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
