Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think a kid would responsible me up
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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