Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
