Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
