Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
