I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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