No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
