We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
